In the earliest days of prehistory, dating was usually associated with clubbing your wife over the head and dragging her back to your cave. Nicholas Ruddick of the University of Regina says,
There is absolutely no physical, anthropological evidence whatever to indicate that our Paleolithic ancestors behaved thus…
Even so, courtship in the earliest stages of human social interaction still required some effort on the part of the prehstoric man in order to ensure that the woman that he wanted as his wife at least liked him. In the modern age, society has evolved to the point where sharing social graces and dating a girl is something that needs to be planned and orchestrated to ensure that it goes off without a hitch. Of course, it’s a fifty-fifty chance that it’ll blow up in our faces when we least expect it, but certain steps can be taken to ensure that at least it lowers the chance of a wonderful night being turned into a nightmare. Here’s what the pros consider when it comes to planning and executing a date.
Timing Is Everything
Consider, if you will, a song that you particularly like. Now let’s say the musicians start playing off key and in varying tones of volume, all without any drum beat whatsoever. It’s chaos; and that’s pretty much what you can expect if the timing of your date goes wrong. When you put a date together, scheduling and planning remove at least half the things that can go wrong. Even if you’re late, the date should still be well planned so that she still enjoys herself. A good strategy is asking her out approximately one to two weeks before the actual date. That gives you time to plan and also encourages romantic anticipation. In a study published in the Journal of Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, Coulter and Malouff note that,
Increasing excitement produces enduring beneficial effects on couple positive affect and relationship satisfaction.
Even science says that making her anticipate the date is worth it in the long run!
Be Yourself
See, sometimes you may find yourself thinking, ‘Maybe she’s into a different sort of guy from me,” or, ‘What if I’m not her type?’ Sure, these are valid concerns, but here’s a little known secret: Most women can tell at a glance what kind of guy they’re looking at. Vogt and Colvin, in the Journal of Personality, found in a 2003 study that,
… [Generally] women were more communal and provided more accurate judgments than men…
You should, therefore, be safe in assuming that she knows quite a bit more about you than you think she does. The innate ability of a woman to read body language better than a man means that you should be yourself because she already knows a lot about you, and lying would only cause your chances with her to plummet if she ever finds out. A number of psychological factors go into what a guy thinks and does in the presence of an attractive lady, but when you pretend less, you’re freer, more relaxed and able to tell if the woman you’re dating is likely to still be fond of you after she learns more about you. This system has the dual benefit of showing her the kind of guy you are while at the same time putting you at ease in her presence. Nothing quite screws up a date like nervousness.
Gentlemen Lead The Conversation But Never Dominate It
Being yourself is liable to work wonders in setting yourself at ease to open up to her, but where do you stop? Something a lot of researchers have realized in the past regarding human psychology is people love hearing about themselves. Although she will be interested in what you have to say, making it all about you is a bad way to start the evening and an even worse way to continue it. Dominating the conversation at some points will be a good thing, especially if she’s finding it hard to discover things to talk about. Leading in with a little thought or phrase or even something you think she might be interested is a good idea. Slipping in little nuggets of who you are is also good, but doing it blatantly can come off like boasting. The best way to do this is to mention something exciting that you’ve done, while hinting at the hobby or pastime that led you to ending up in such a situation. Listening to what she has to say helps to keep the conversation flowing and gives her a chance to laugh at your stories. Paying attention to her is important (even though there won’t be a test after) because it allows her to know you are interested. As soon as she warms up to you and takes the conversation for a spin herself, try not to interrupt her and really make an attempt to give her an ear.
Flattery Gets You Nowhere
I’m sure you’ve heard that statement before. Flattery tends to work on a certain type of woman, but be warned: more often than not this isn’t the type of woman that would be conducive to a long term relationship. Instead, a good alternative would be to find things that she’s proud about and that you honestly think are great accomplishments and letting her know that. Honest praise is one of the most endearing things in a relationship. However, on the flip side, nothing is quite as underhanded as undeserving praise. Don’t flatter her overtly or unnecessarily – the best girls earn their accolades and are worth all the more for doing so.
It might seem like a pretty easy job: get in, get the girl, get out, but things are rarely simple for the modern man of mystery. You may not have all the cool gadgets like James Bond does, but you still have the air of mystery and the panache of a man whose demeanor and attitude will get him where he wants to go. All you need is to apply this to your date and before you know it, you will be getting along like a house on fire. A good man can find a woman, but a great man knows how to date her to keep her.
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