One of the biggest fears to be dealt with by guys these days is that of rejection. This fear can cause men to not even be able to approach a woman they are interested in, and it’s the number 1 cause of approach anxiety. For some men, the fear of rejection is so strong and terrifying, they will come up with every reason imaginable just to not have to go up to the lady and just talk to her. And all this is understandable because getting rejected can, in actuality, make you feel pretty crummy, and can make you feel anti-social and inferior. But you don’t have to let it ruin your life.
Just Be Patient
If you are ready to take the next step, and tackle your fear of rejection, you should know that there is no easy cure or magic fix-it pill. You will not be able to change your behavior overnight, and the only way to conquer your fears is by going out and gathering reference experiences. Just like every other major change in your psyche, these things take time and patience, trial and error. And don’t think you will be able to rely on someone else to help you become ready to get over your fears. Mark Tyrrell at Uncommon Knowledge says,
Seeking reassurance from other people is a dead end. Reassurance needs to be found from within you, not from others. Why? Because any look, word, or action from other people can be warped and wrongly interpreted as an upcoming rejection when it simply isn’t.
Changing Your Attitude
Before trying to move on, you should know and accept that rejection will happen no matter what. This may seem a bit harsh, but take into consideration the fact that even seasoned pick-up artists that have been in the game a long while still get rejected. In fact, the more people you approach, the more likely you are to see rejection. Don’t beat yourself up or be scared or angry when it happens. Royane Real tells us,
If you persist in developing the habit of making many social overtures to other people, you will come to realize that occasional rejection is simply a part of life. It does not mean you are a flawed human being.
Being rejected is not the worst thing that could happen, and once you realize that, it will all get easier. If you just relax and change your attitude towards rejection, you will not only experience it less, but you also won’t be as upset when it happens.
Moving On
The key in getting over your fear is to not let it get to you. The fear that usually comes with this will usually start to vanish if you can manage to keep a calm emotional state before you approach someone, and after getting rejected, if it happens.
When a woman turns you away, it will help you improve your approach, lessen the anxiety you have about interacting with a lady, and it will help you to learn from your failures. But rejection is not always because of something you did wrong, how you look, or what kind of job you have, and you shouldn’t take it personally. There are hundreds of reasons why a woman might say ‘no’ to you, and many of them have nothing to do with you as a person at all.
You should especially not worry about getting rejected from someone you don’t even know. We learn from Curt Smith at askmen.com that,
True rejection occurs when a woman rejects a man with whom she has spent a considerable amount of time. It is the ultimate rejection because the man is dismissed due to his all-around identity.
A Little Scenario
In order to describe to you what I’m talking about, I have created a little scenario that gives you examples of the behaviors of 2 men, and shows you the different results you can get. We will give the name Paul to the guy in our story that has a serious fear of rejection, and rarely ever talks to girls, and Jake will be the name of a seasoned pick-up artist, one who never worries about a lady turning him away.
Paul
Before he ever approaches a girl, Paul is hesitant and has to try and convince himself he is worthy to even speak to her. He puts a tremendous value on her and pretty much none on himself. Paul takes a great deal of time thinking of all the possible things he could say to her if he got the chance, and when he has finally mustered up enough courage, he walks over to her, and mumbles something she doesn’t quite catch. While trying desperately to hold her attention, she turns away from him, giving him the response he dreads most in the world. As he walks away feeling rejected, he is devastated by the feeling that he has crashed and burned, and missed his opportunity. Because of this event, Paul probably won’t be talking to girls for quite a while.
Jake
Jake is an alpha male who walks right up to a lady to strike up a conversation if he’s interested. He doesn’t care anything about getting rejected, and if he is, he will just move on, and try to find someone new. Of course, he has the usual fear of approach at first, but he doesn’t let it affect him. When he speaks, the lady can see confidence, and like everyone, he might have some fear when he approaches, but doesn’t let it get to him. When he opens the conversation, all the girl sees, is his confident posture and relaxed attitude, and it appears he has zero fear. Jake will not spend any time worrying why he was turned down, he will only move on.
The only difference between Paul and Jake is how they deal with their fears, and the outcome of their approach. If you brush it off, you will be more confident, and successful in the future.
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