So you’re done with one-night stands, flings and casual encounters, and now you want to look for a long-term partner or at least a relationship with a little more depth? Or maybe you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship and need to get back in the game? Whatever your reasons, it’s highly likely you’re going to need to brush up on your interpersonal skills when it comes to the opposite sex, especially if you’ve been out of the game for a while. From ice-breakers to sexting rules, as well as the clear signs you should move on, we’ve got you covered.
Breaking The Ice – Making Your First Move
Approaching a woman for the first time can be nerve wrecking because you’ve got all that “first impressions count” nonsense to deal with. Possibly having seen the departure of other failed suitors before you, the pressure is on to impress the lovely lady before you. Do you have to crack a joke? Should you compliment her outfit?
According to Nick Savoy, dating coach, being natural and relaxed, with a bit of humor, is the way to go. He says,
Ask her if your friend should grow a mustache, or if kissing is cheating, or if drunk “I love you’s” count. This should be spontaneous, like you were talking to your friend and she just happened to be the nearest random stranger you asked.
Of course, for this to work you need to ensure you have a story to tell around it, in case she wants to know why you are having the discussion. The point is to make it light hearted and subtle.
To make a smooth move, ask her if she’s shy. Why is that smooth? When she asks why you think that tell her, “Well, I have been standing here for 15 minutes watching you and you haven’t come to talk to me yet.”
If that sounds too bold, ask her to hold something for you (get your mind out of the gutter; we mean your drink, your phone or, if you’re feeling that convinced she’s The One, your wallet) so you can rearrange your pockets. When you’re done, flash your best smile, thank her and start talking.
Setting Up The First Date
So your grand pick up has worked, you got her number and now you want to ask her out. You think she’s hot and you want to tell her – should you send her a sexy text message? The experts say, if you want to get to the first date, no. A new study carried out by the Indiana University-Purdue University of Fort Wayne found that sexting is not sexy for women and that they only do it to keep their partners happy. Men’s Health reported on the study:
Among the 93 women included in the study, a majority admitted to engaging in consensual sexting even though they weren’t feeling it. Their justification: wanting to fulfill their partner’s needs and be flirtatious.
Should you send her sexy pics after your hours of labor in the gym? Not unless you want her to think you’re arrogant and in love with yourself.
How should you approach her? Just be yourself; if she doesn’t like it, don’t waste your time. If the date works out and it turns into that big relationship you have been waiting for, she’s got to get to know the real you. And, better sooner than later. Spend some time chatting with her, and find out what she likes before you make a suggestion for the first date. Show her you can listen.
Choosing A Date
Should you take her to dinner? If you want to be like every guy she’s ever dated then yes. Just remember though, the dinner date puts all the pressure on conversation, which might be better for date number two. If you want to have a good time and make her laugh, why not take her out to a comedy evening? The experts say that laughing brings people closer and it’s a great way to break the ice, plus you can still sit close together and have drinks together afterwards.
Like dinners, movies are boring and cliched. And, on the opposite side of the spectrum they make it impossible to talk to one another. If you want to be romantic consider packing a picnic (find out what she likes to eat) and whisking her away somewhere beautiful. Should you cover the bill or split it? GQ magazine says,
If it’s a first date, it won’t do you any harm to pay – or at least offer. Quibbling with who should pick up the bill is a bad look and it’s hardly going to give the best first impression.
If it turns out to be a problem for her, offer to split it or tell her she can pick up the tab next time- let her know it’s an incentive to see her again.
Signs It Probably Won’t Work Out
Sure you might have been out of the game for a while, but that doesn’t make you desperate. And if you are watching your biological clock, you probably don’t want to waste more time, only to have your heart broken later on. So what are the signs it probably won’t work out?
Well, selfishness is always one to look out for. If she can’t stop talking about herself and doesn’t listen to anything you have to say, it’s probably a clue as to why she’s still single. If she can’t make time to see you, or you’re the one who has to call all the time, you might want to leave your options open.
Can’t she stop talking about her ex? If she hasn’t moved on, or experienced any closure from past relationships, it doesn’t bode well for her ability to move forward. Gauge how mature she is and whether she has the same relationship wants and needs as you.
Different values are also a major cause of conflict in relationships. And, while it is our differences that can be so appealing to the opposite sex initially, when you’re in a long term relationship and you have opposing views on matters like religion or money, these can cause problems.