It is inevitable that we will all need to end a relationship at some point. But ending a relationship is not something we jump into with the same level of excitement as starting one. So is it possible to break it off with someone without getting your bunny boiled or your car tires shredded? We spoke to some experts who had this to say about “breaking up”.
Of course, being in a relationship you aren’t happy with, or with a person you’re not compatible with is a recipe for disaster. Even so, Examiner.com says it is pretty common:
When it comes to dating and relationships there are two common mistakes. One is not picking the right person. The other is not getting out quickly enough after realizing that you’ve picked the wrong person.
Don’t Let It Go On For Too Long
Once you have decided that the relationship is not moving the way you want it to, keep your confrontation factual and short. The longer you discuss it, the more difficult and emotional it could become for both of you. Tell her you have to be somewhere else straight afterwards so you don’t spend too long discussing it, otherwise you just end up going around in circles.
Help Her Manage Her Emotions
When you are the one doing the breaking up it could come as a surprise and she might struggle to suppress her emotions. If she’s a firecracker or prone to outbursts you also have options. Psychologists tell us we are less fatigued and under less stress in the mornings, so try and schedule the break up earlier rather than later.
Also, give some consideration to your environment or location. Being at home will probably evoke memories and could result in a shouting match. If you meet somewhere neutral, like a coffee shop, it is a lot less likely to happen. If you were wondering, your anniversary, birthdays and holidays are generally bad times for this kind of news.
Go Gentle On Her
Of course, empathy goes a long way when breaking bad news. Sure you want to move in a different direction but that does not mean you get to make her feel bad. Avoid all the cliches and sayings that are likely to make her want to see red. Be direct but kind. Men’s Health offers the following advice:
You may not be delivering news about a catastrophic earthquake, but careful language and a newsreader’s tone can make the break-up quick and painless. ‘Give the headline first, then the facts,’ says broadcaster Samira Ahmed. Tell her that you’re breaking up, with a pause before and after you say it, so she can absorb the information.’
Any sign of emotion you might give could be seen as a weakness in your armor, so be sure to stick to your decision if you feel strongly about it.
Avoiding Romance And Being Intimate
If you are good friends or live together and there is no way to separate yourselves immediately, become more conscious of your need for intimacy and don’t give in to temptation. Askmen.com offers the following insights:
Starlit walks on the beach and staring into each others’ eyes over dinner will keep the relationship going (especially in her heart and mind). Realize there is a major distinction between lust and romance. While you may still want her physically, do not give in to any body language that leads to sex.
Don’t send confused or mixed signals. Once you have agreed to end the relationship you both need to move on, as quickly as possible.